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Saturday 28 January 2012

Trying to let go...


Illusions

perceived colourfully bright
whereas only black and white
seen as an angel
while human and fragile
the statue of kindness
with the liver of a hypocrite
enigma and sunshine
the sham of a shuffler's charm
with sweet savour and spicy smell
pretended warm caress
genuinely perfects the spell
infinitely extended mind
bound
with illusions
that cannot be left behind
dividing reason and sensation
should break the charm
but the illusions are still there
they can never be left behind

Wednesday 25 January 2012

Destructive moments


Hate poem

For not being able to be angry with you
I hate you
For genuinely mistiming your decision
I hate you more
For stealing my creativity
I hate you most

I am an egoist
Please hate me
For hurting you
Hate me more
For picking cherries in forbidden woods
Hate me most

For not being able to be sad
I hate you
For being impassive and yet desperate
I hate you more
For not feeling anything
I hate you most

Wishing nothing
Feeling nothing
Desperateness
Without crying

Hate you all.

Tuesday 24 January 2012

People and not the places...


Maybe

It may not be love
But it is more than just liking
It may not be true
It is still inspiring
You may not even know
What you have provoked in me
By just breathing
Being who you are
Hopefully
Stealthily watching
But I am grateful to you
For what you gave to me
When you were smiling
I would be even more grateful to you
To see you again live
And feel Your embracing
To hold you in my arms
Just for one night
Without hiding
And to talk to you
Without shame and giving
myself to you
Who I am
And not pretending
To be someone else
Who I am not and just lying
To be less than “cool”
Sexy or divvy
Just to be myself
And you still keep me liking
Just to know that your read
All these silly lines
I am writing
Would make me feel content
Happy and smiling
But I have to stop myself
To stop longing
And waiting
And go to bed
With me and myself
And just hoping
To see you one day
Again and waiting
For me
With a smile
That is for me

And for no one else.


People and inner places...


Almost random thoughts...

First of all, I have to apologise for writing down these ideas as if they were entirely mine. They are not...

According to one of my best friends, M.L., opting people out of our lives is so easily done when we see and treat them like objects or numbers. Like a capitalist company: after having fulfilled their functions, people can be thrown away in order to make space for new numbers, new functions, new objects.

I do not like functions. I do not like objects and numbers are that I like the least. The reason: I do not like to be a number myself. The amount of numbers in a mathematical set is infinite.

Positively thinking: each number is unique.
Negatively thinking: they are all the same in a vast aggregation...

Meeting new and unique people makes us grow like a sprout. Meeting Individuals can influence lives in a way, I have never imagined before. It depends on us to make the best of it...

But … how should someone know when is the time to let go. Which point of the whole mathematical set, which is a paradox in itself, would not mean giving up, but simply being a sorcerer...

Saturday 21 January 2012

Genuine moments of sunshine


Muse

Choosing the apple
For me
I am grateful
Bringing moments of joy
I am grateful
Impossibly showing a different
Way
I am grateful
Smiling at me
I am grateful
Initiating chaos in my life
I am grateful
Catalyst of my creativity
I am grateful
Being my paintbrush
I am grateful
Being my face
I am grateful
Being the red on my canvas
I am grateful
Taking the shape of my thoughts
I am grateful
The way you look
I feel sunshiny
Seeing my smiling face in your eyes
I am happy
Demolishing my pride
I might be grateful
Having you
I am grateful
Not having you
I am grateful
The impossibility
I might be grateful
Wanting to know you
More
I am grateful
Moving me beyond un--known limits
I am grateful
Being a new Universe
I am grateful
Blinding me
I might be grateful
The indifference
I am not grateful

It hurts my pride
It hurts me much.

Friday 20 January 2012

Retrospective reflection


Ashes of wishes

Time
To stop
Building castles in the air
To destroy them
Again and again
Until the lesson has penetrated
Into every cell of his marrow
Until it gives him an erect body
Until it is learnt
Thoroughly

He keeps paying dearly
For the night
He imagined
Vainly
Pride
Was hurt
Lesson was learnt
Yet
The harbour is
Still not burnt
Down
Setting fire every evening
Ripping shrieking thoughts off
Trying
To comprehend the feeling
Meaning
Going round in circles
Thinking
Millions of times
Just searching
A way to comprehend the
Feeling
Meaning
Going round in circles
Thinking
Millions of times
Just searching
A way to comprehend the
Feeling
Meaning.

Understanding the Leper
Understanding the Other
Understanding the Normal
Understanding the Rational
Understanding the Impossibility
Understanding the Impassivity

Yet here he is
Trying
To comprehend the emotion
And meaning
Going round in circles
Thinking
Millions of times
Just searching
The explanation for the
Intuitive feeling
That gives him more
Than the rational
Reasoning

Without the wish
Without the need 
For
Start or ending
Thoughts are there
Complete and inciting.

Samara Digbba

Thursday 19 January 2012

Kötéltáncos II

Leprás

Leprás jár kötéltáncot
Arcok megbámulják
Fekete-fehérek
Hibáját felróják

Hibáit, bűneit
Felszínen viseli
Ámulat, botránkozás
Meredt szemek kísérik

Hogy meri?
Mily botor
Oly csúnya
Otromba
Leesik, meglátod
Kevélyen
Nem tudhat
Kötéltáncot járni

Pedig járja a Leprás
viseli terheit
Szembenéz
A víztükörrel
Mely alatt
ő elvész
Égbolt lenn
Víztükör fenn
Égbolt fenn
Víztükör lenn

Jéggédermedt szemseregek
Botránkozva állnak
Megmondtam a
Leprás
Ne járja a táncot
Mit képzel magáról?
Különb ő másoknál?
Hogy hiheti  el ezt
Magáról egy
Leprás?

Ott hagyják a földön
Nem várnak
Nem állnak
Nem sajnálják a Leprást
Egymagában alvad
Vére a padlón

Mit tehet a Leprás
Összeszedi magát
Bokáját és máját
Elvánszorog halkan,
Hogy eltemesse magát

Nem látja őt senki
Nem visznek koszorút
Kiássa a sírját
Beleomlik ruhástól
Kezéban a mája
Senki nem sajnálja
Nem tartanak tort sem
A Leprás halálára.

Mennydörgés, szél, eső
Gondoskodik róla,
Hogy a Leprás
Teste a sárba
Bele legyen mosva.

Nem díszítik koszorúk
Sem virágok a sírját
Úgy feledik el őt
Mint szikla a darabját
Mely leválott róla
Víz elmosta

Letisztította.